Q.(1) In the past, I have felt that my relationships always needed improvement. Is there a specific technique or relationship techniques for improving my current and future relationships?
ANSWER by Dr Maddy
We are always in a relationship of one sort or another whether it is in business, for an intimate special person, for your child, parents or friends. Even with quality relationship techniques, it is really communication and rapport that we want. Read the following from my book, Power Up For Success, (page 102,):
STRENGTHENING YOUR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP
Love takes plenty of attention. One way to pay attention is
to listen. Listening well is hard because our attention span is generally
very short. Many times we come away with little of what the speaker said
because we didn't concentrate or we have our own ideas about the subject and
tune out. True listening is a skill and we must set aside our own prejudices
and desires to experience the speaker's point of view. It temporarily
involves the total acceptance of the other person. When this happens, the
speaker and listener appreciate each other more. True listening is love in
action.
Love also encompasses courage. Courage is not the absence of fear. It is
taking action in spite of fear, and in many cases, involves risk. The risk
is that the person may move away from you and leave you more lonely than you
were before, that you may get hurt, or that the person may let you down.
Risking allows you to live life fully and not just exist. By risking, you
choose options to grow and the relationship will grow. Do things and act in
ways that satisfy you. If you do them to satisfy someone else, the
commitment is superficial. Commitment is the foundation of a loving
relationship. One can foster growth only through a relationship of
consistency. Couples cannot talk or resolve issues of dependency and
independence, freedom and fidelity without the security of knowing that the
discussion of these topics will not in itself destroy the relationship.
The greatest risk of love is the act of confrontation which is saying, "I am
right and you are wrong." The act of shooting from the hip comes quite
easily and hurts.
Constructive criticism doesn't come easily as issues and motives must be
examined or the criticism produces more resentment than growth. In any good
relationship you are each others' best critics, but to confront someone with
something that he can't handle is a waste of time. You must be able to
relate on your partner's level. Exercising power with love is a fragile
task.
Love is spontaneous; yet it is disciplined. Loving behavior is expected in
such a way to contribute to each other's growth. One must constantly adjust
feelings to meet the situation. Love is separateness and the distinction
between oneself and the other is always maintained. So remember-love takes
plenty of attention, encompasses courage and risk, needs commitment,
constructive criticism, and the flexibility to grow. Take the freedom to
explore, to grow and to change with life. You are responsible for your own
happiness. Take charge and do it!
