ANSWER by Dr Maddy
Sometimes we give our power away to another person because we feel that they know better. Always use someone else’s opinion as a second opinion to ours and not the final one unless it is really better. When you have low self esteem, remain proactive and have others respond to you rather than the other way around. Stop allowing yourself to be a victim of circumstances. Page 60 of Phenomenal Women: That’s Us! gives a self esteem profile that will enable you to get back on track.
A Low Self Esteem Profile
At the top of a piece of paper write the following
statement: "What I am is-" and list all the qualities, positive and
negative, you associate with yourself. Fill up the entire page,
free-associating, not worrying about whether they are
true or not. When
you are done, underline all those characteristics you consider positive.
You are looking at a profile of the current state of your self-esteem.
The negative qualities are those things you want to forgive yourself
for, or reverse through implanting new thoughts.
Take out another clean sheet of paper. Write at the top: "The things I
want to acknowledge myself for are-" and make a list of at least 25
things for which you approve of in yourself. Give yourself
permission to sing your own praises. Saying "no" to what you don't want
opens the door to what you do want. Remember: whatever you have created
in the past can be changed in the present and future. You deserve
to take charge of your life and create whatever you wish. Your past does
not need to continue into the future unless you want it to.
Next, make a list of ten ways to increase your pleasure and aliveness.
Schedule them into your daily routine to add more fun and youthfulness
to your life.
***
Even though we may do the best we know how, sometimes we have to fall apart to get ourselves really together. If our lives feel like they are going smoothly, we seldom seek change. It is only in the midst of confusion, turmoil, chaos or pain that we attempt new directions for different' results. Notice how we respond to what is happening inside, not to what is actually going on outside when we make a decision. When everything is going the way we want and we get the desired results, although there seems to be no need for change, use this time of tranquility as an opportunity to learn something new.
The way to create a positive mentality is to self-nurture
by making a commitment of compassion and love to yourself. Strive to see
the positive by encouraging and accepting yourself as a loving parent or
as best friend would. We each need to activate and strengthen this inner
nurturing voice. If we don't know how to give ourselves approval, we beg
for that approval from everyone else. Our nurturing voice is an
incredible comfort. She can make the hardest times and the greatest
challenges easier. This nurturing voice is invaluable any time you need
a pat on the back, a dose of warm love or an energy boost.
To get the balance that you want in your life, take a step back and ask,
"How important are those gottas and haftas?" Figure out what you want in
your life by eliminating what you don't want. See what is remaining and
just add more "goodies." An easy way to instantaneously know what and
whom you want in your life is to make a list of what you would do if you
had six months to live in perfect health. Toxic people and situations
become immediately apparent. Do this now. You just may be amazed at your
results.
Take a close look at the list you made as it represents the things in
life that you presently value the most. This will give you a clearer
perspective as to what you are doing, how you are living and how you
wish to live. By eliminating people, activities and situations that do
not help you move toward your purposes, your life will have room to
include more of what makes you alive and content.
When we have low self esteem, we encourage being a victim of circumstances.
Remember, happiness is a direction, not a destination.
